Wonderful news!

Well, we have posted the news on Facebook now, so the whole world should (mostly) know what is now public information. After years of trying, we have finally made it so now I have become pregnant with our first child. It is so overwhelmingly great that Heavenly Father has listened to our prayers and that we have sought the right avenue to get the help we needed to get to this point.

Albeit, it was hard to accept every disappointment along the way, but it has paid off in the end. Ryan and I are so grateful for all the prayers and thoughts in our behalf to make this happen. We continue to pray that the baby will grow to be a healthy boy or girl we can call our own.

I'm continuing to work, although, I got a different job within the company I'm currently working at. I went from part-time to full-time with a different job position as a Content Strategist. I am now helping to build information on web site architectures for custom websites our team work on for companies and provide instructions to my team's Writers and Implementation Specialists how to write and gather together content so it can be ready to add to the new websites we build for our clients. (Hopefully that makes sense.)

Ryan is still working at Solutionreach and I'm so proud of him for completing this last semester with great scores in his classes. Two B's! He made it! It's just a matter to see how much more is required of him to finally graduate, so he can leave that part of his life behind him. It will be nice once he can get a significant pay raise after he fully graduates.

With our new addition coming to us late February, we need to prepare to move into a bigger place. Where that will be is still unknown for we have much research to do. We want to live closer to work and not be too far away from my doctor and a hospital that I can deliver in. Hopefully, after doing some work on our end to see what we can afford and what help we can receive from realtors, I hope that we can find our next place of residence good enough for a growing family.

I have my next OB appointment this upcoming Tuesday, so I hope to post ultrasound pictures soon on Facebook!

That's it for now, and thanks to everyone for your thoughts/prayers in our behalf. Love you all!

~Melissa

An Update as Well as Some Important Thoughts...

Hello again friends and family,

I found myself not being able to sleep tonight, so I thought I would share some updates and thoughts that have been running through my mind.

To start, I have started a new job since quitting Old Navy in February this year. I'm now a part-timer at Boostability as a Content Implementation Specialist. I might be able to get a full time position soon, but I am not positive that will pan out right away. But my job, so far, has been a good break from retail. I currently help small businesses with creating new websites using WordPress. I have several tasks now, one being implementing what is written by a writer on my team onto WordPress. I have other duties I fulfill, but it would be too lengthy to go into.

Ryan has started school back up this spring. He is taking one official online course and is Skyping in for another class, which is a really generous option to give from Ryan's professor. But it's better than the alternative: having Ryan in Rexburg for three months, while I stay in Utah, working... not a real plan. Full time work and class is stressful for Ryan now, but hopefully he can put himself ahead of the game and succeed.

On a personal note, I have only told a few family members and friends, but Ryan and I are seriously trying to expand our family. I have been seeing a fertility doctor for a couple of months, with some, but not completely successful results. I would go into further detail, but it may be too much to disclose. (If you are really curious, I will be willing to divulge, privately.)

And this is kinda what led me to thinking about any future I will have with children I will care for. My first question that really struck me was: What kind of world will my child be living in? Well, think about it: there are a lot of terrible, confusing, and dangerous events going on and the human race seems to be on a slight slope in the wrong direction. Our country is struggling to hold together, many people fight to agree on many points, rumors of war and acts of terrorism,and family values and it's structure is being bombarded by those who struggle with gender identity and same-sex attraction. People are so focused on their mobile devices and computers that they miss out on normal conversation and can't enjoy life outside of a little screen. Social media has turned normally pleasant people into rage monsters whose opinion is the most dominant and right answer to everything. Morality is at risk. Lives are at stake with the threat of ISIS, the mislead feelings of people believing that most police officers are brutal and mindless murderers, and the stories that pop up almost daily of homicides and lethal armed robbery.

Point is, I could go on forever about what is plaguing our country alone and then add more about global problems. Question is, would my child be safe? Could I keep them safe? How could I protect them when the world falls deeper, and deeper into darkness and chaos?

Maybe I am worrying too much, which is a flaw I have, but seriously, I'm scared for those children I may bring into this world. We are taught to live in the world, but not be of it. My job as a mother isn't to overprotect, but to still guard them from evil and teach them the difference between good and evil. I want to share the Gospel message with them with the hope that they do not turn away from the truth and stay on the straight and narrow. I guess that is the basis of it. What much more could I do?

I still want this world to be a better environment than it is now. I wish I could have the power to change things, but I can only do so much. I guess praying that God will, in his Mercy, can help His children find peace and comfort and that ultimately that can lead people to remember Him.

Well, that wraps up my little message.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

With love,
Melissa

Holidays are Coming Up...and I'm Not Sure I'm Prepared...

To my dear friends and family:

I have much to catch up on since I last posted on here. I guess if I posted too often, there would not be much to talk about, so in all honesty, maybe my long breaks in between writing on this blog should not totally be an issue.

Well, 2014 is wrapping up soon, wow. Ryan's birthday is this month and so is Aubrie's (on the same day, which is awesome). Thanksgiving will be my most interesting one yet, considering I will be technically only celebrating the "being grateful" part of it and not participating in the smorgasbord of Thanksgiving dinner. Most people know that I have been trying to lose weight since September on a strict diet called the VLCD: the Very Low Calorie Diet. This has been my most successful method yet, considering I'm not doing it alone, being monitored by my father in-law, Derek Muse and given great support from his wife and my mentor, Emily. As of this Tuesday I weighed in at 129 lbs. A net loss of 25 lbs. total. Yay! My goal weight is kinda in the air. I'm sure I would be comfortable at 110 maybe 105, but I have been told I can go maybe lower. I'm not sure, but we will see.

Back to Thanksgiving. We will hold festivities at the Muse home (Ryan's family's house) and I have invited Kurt, Scott, and Aubrie to join us. Aubrie is making plans to come down from Rexburg to join us and I'm sure it will be great to have the majority of the Marrott kids together for that day. Kurt likely will have other plans too with Susan, his girlfriend, and her family. It will be very enjoyable to have them around, even though I will not be able to enjoy much when it comes to the food. Yay, protein bars and soup for me.

Christmas will also be great. Ryan and I, with some help from Mom and Dad Marrott, will be flying out to St. Louis for Christmas this year. It will be so good to be back there at that house where I spend most of my teenage and young adult life at. That doesn't sound too weird, does it? Anyway, I look forward to seeing my mom's Christmas village displayed around the tree that features the train set put up as a "landmark" to the village. I'll also look forward to the smell of the house at that time: pine. Cannot beat that scent during Christmas. I'm excited to see the renovated kitchen. I know Dad worked so hard at fixing it up. And I cannot forget Leo, the cat. A.K.A. Mr. Aloof.  I'll need to make sure Ryan takes some allergy meds to help ward off cat allergy stuff. He did fine the last couple times he's been there, though, so I'm not too worried.

In kinda boring news, I'm still working at Old Navy. I have been a slacker and mostly lost in rewriting my résumé to fit a different mold so I look more presentable and qualified before I go in for an interview. I may need to return to LDS Employment services to get more help with that. I feel a bit dumb for waiting so long, I guess I haven't had the motivation to push me to do it. Ah, well.

Well, that is what is going on with our end. I'm grateful for all that people do for us and support us with.

Love to you all,

Melissa

The Move to Utah and More

To my readers,

Thanks for taking time to read this, it means the world to me. I want to first say that I have been blessed in several ways and I hope things get better as days go by. Here is a recap of what has been going on with Ryan and I.

Hopefully, many of you have known that we moved to Utah a few months ago in March. The honest truth of why we moved was because Rexburg was not yielding any jobs for me or Ryan, for that matter, after I had graduated. Funds were getting dangerously low and struggled to stay happy in those conditions. After much thought and prayer we decided we would move to Utah where Ryan could get a job through Solutionreach, the company he had an internship with a during the winter of 2013. We are blessed that he was able to get the job back and now has a salaried job there. He, however, hasn't completed school yet, but we hope that this fall, we can get him taking online courses and doing classes remotely with nice teachers who will help him succeed in graduating sooner. We are hoping that all will work out for him and that the school and professors will be lenient with him so he can finally get his diploma.

As for me, yup, I have a couple of jobs now. I'll briefly mention that my current paid job is with Old Navy. Yeah, pretty glamorous, right? Well, I am praying that my other job, or should I say, internship, hopes to bear better fruit than the other. I have been interning with More Good Foundation as a Content Writer for LDS.net, which has been loads of fun.

Some of you may remember my little spiel about my health issues in regard to my infertility. Now that we have health insurance, I hope that Ryan and I can make good headway in extending our family. I will love continued thoughts and prayers in our behalf.

It's funny how life changes so quickly. We joke with our close friends in Rexburg that "Hydron's Army," as we like to call ourselves, that we will find ourselves in Utah at some point. Well, not only are Ryan and I down here, but so are two others who have joined us and more are to follow suit soon. Granted one may be returning to Rexburg to finish his schooling, but, well, he is here now! Utah is a great state to live in, but we find ourselves cities apart, which can feel like a hassle with commuting.

Speaking of Utah and friends, we went to FanX, a convention held at the Salt Palace downtown. This, by far, was the biggest convention I have been to, and it was worth it. Our good friend Jennette was generous enough to give me her free multi-pass ticket she won for the full three days of the event. We were able to see many neat things, like a homemade TARDIS from Dr. Who and the Delorian from Back to the Future. Some big stars came like Karen Gillan from Dr. Who and Guardians of the Galaxy, Nathan Fillion, from Castle, Firefly, and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, and Patrick Stewart from Star Trek and X-Men. I had so much fun. For Friday and Saturday, I dressed up as Donna Noble from Dr. Who and Ryan dressed up as the Tenth Doctor for Saturday, the only day he could come. We had loads of fun and enjoyed seeing the booths and fun nerdy/geeky things we could look at. We also welcomed a large part of Hydron's Army down for the event, which made it even more special. The Salt Lake Comic Con will be in September and I'm still debating on what I should dress up as. :)

Well, I should close up this little post by saying thank you again for reading and I'll see you next time!

<3 Melissa

My Struggle with Infertility

May I start by saying that I have been quiet about this topic to several people. Unfortunately, I don't know how many will actually read this post.  However, my hope is that I can convey something that will be beneficial to me and to people around me by expressing my feelings of sorrow and hope when it comes to this sensitive subject.

Well, here it goes: I, Melissa, struggle with infertility. There. I got it off my chest.

Now, I want to share my story.

As many of you know, Ryan and I got married in April of 2010. Then, I was naïve and unaware of how much I was going to struggle with bearing children. It is now almost four years after that special day.* We definitely were not thinking about children right from the get-go; we wanted to wait at least a year before thinking about bringing new life into our family.  About a year had passed and we wanted to be more serious about having children. We went to the Temple and prayed and we got an answer to try. I already knew it probably would be difficult considering I don’t have regular menstrual cycles to begin with, but we did try nonetheless. We weren't getting anywhere. No positives on pregnancy tests or any signs that we were successful.

In 2011, I went to a women’s clinic here in Rexburg while I was still under my parent’s insurance. I saw a nice doctor there, who first told me I was currently infertile. He told me I had PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), which wasn't new news to me. I had previously been diagnosed with it in high school and I have never been regular with my cycles unless I was on birth control. He did an ultrasound on my ovaries and, sure enough, there were plenty of cysts surrounding both my ovaries. They had me take Metformin to help with that, which I have already been on in the past. I remember still having irregular cycles, but I still had periods on my own. However, I was gaining weight and struggling to keep it off.

I was turning twenty-six, and I could no longer see the doctor at the clinic for I was not qualified to be under my parents’ insurance.  I went to the Temple again and asked God when I could start trying to get pregnant once more. He said October. I then started seeing doctors at the BYU—Idaho Student Health Center when school started back up again. They told me that they would try to help me get pregnant. I had seen them off and on depending on how our funds were at the time. Eventually, my periods stopped happening on their own all together. A physician's.assistant there has been helping me through the process most recently and prescribed to me a medication that would help me menstruate, but not ovulate. She wanted me to go through certain testing to see where I’m at with my ovaries and if they can still produce if I get started on fertility medication. They found through the tests that my progesterone levels are really, really low, but my ovaries are still fine with producing good eggs. Ryan also was required to have tests done for himself too.

It has been a few months since I have gone in to the Health Center for treatment. I was focusing on graduating from school more than wanting to be pregnant at the time.  Right now, admittedly, our funds are so low now that school is out and it is winter semester (we don’t receive any loans or grants from school since Ryan is off-track) that we are now struggling to pay for much right now. We are jobless and are working hard to find any sort of employment. No jobs equals no medical help for infertility. Even when we do get jobs, we need to save up money for paying off school loans and concentrate on making sure we can afford rent and food. So till then, growing our family may have to wait longer.

I’m sad that times have become so hard for us right now especially that our situation is so dire on trying to survive the next few months. I have spent many nights crying, feeling that I am not worthy to be a mother and that God does not want me to bring children into our lives. It has been especially hard when we go to attend church. We see many families who have children or women that are pregnant and younger than I am. The same feelings go for when I'm on Facebook and friends and family are posting about their little babies and toddlers with pictures too. I think, "I wish that could be me," but reality is, it's not. I try not to get jealous, but it gets overwhelming sometimes. I am given assurance from Ryan where he tells me that God will bless us in His own time. I understand that it is hard to have faith when certain blessings don’t come when you want them to.  But it also helps to know that I am not alone in the fight with infertility. God knows that for me, having kids at this time isn't what he has in store for me at this time. I understand that my focus needs to probably be elsewhere, serving others and directing my energy to getting a job and sticking with it. I am also having issues with my weight and losing the weight for me will be helpful, especially with my struggle with infertility.

After writing this, I feel that I want to pose a challenge to those who read this. The challenge is to please be aware of those around you that may be struggling with infertility like I am. Be aware of their needs and be a shoulder to cry on. I, like many others, need love and support. We need to know that things will work out and that God will bless us, no matter what happens. We need to be reminded that we are just as important as women that are mothers and that we are not lesser women because we don’t have our own children yet.

Thank you for reading this. I hope that a better understanding will grow between you and me about this topic.

~Melissa

*I do understand that others have waited longer to have children who also struggle with infertility, but I also know that the feelings I have are still the same.

2014 Will Be a Great Year!

To all my blog followers, thanks for being supportive while I manage to get these posts up. Sorry for taking a while to get these posts done, I hope now that I've graduated I can spend more time writing here.

Yeah, that is the big news. I (finally) graduated from BYU--Idaho! Hooray! On the downside, I don't know what I am going to do for a job. Ryan and I are vigorously trying to find jobs during the winter months. I might find myself working at Dillard's once more. There is also a possibility that I will work at Avercast as a Technical Writer. I'm looking at other possibilities, but we will see where my abilities and skills will be put to the test. I have loads of retail experience, so working retail (anywhere) would do it for me for the time being.

Ryan on the other hand is finding the process very frustrating and bothersome. He doesn't mind working, it is just the process before he gets hired anywhere that makes the difference. He's hoping to work somewhere local in Rexburg so he is able to walk to work where I can take the car anywhere I need to go, even if it is to Idaho Falls, which is a half hour drive from Rexburg.

To return to the topic of my graduation: it was a splendid evening. My parents were able to fly in to witness the commencement and the convocation that I participated in. It was more surreal than my high school graduation. Plus the Spirit was present throughout both meetings, so it was worth it even then. I'm so glad I was able to participate. My parents are so proud of me. Now just to get Ryan through school and we will be set. For a graduation/Christmas gift, my parents are getting me a sewing machine that will be arriving tomorrow in the mail. I'm excited to receive and use it. I miss sewing and I hope to use the machine regularly.

Following graduation, Ryan and I drove down to Utah to spend the Holiday with the Muse family. It was very nice, considering they have Sean back from his mission to celebrate with everyone. Ryan missed his little brother lots (I could tell). I missed him too, especially when he would call me short. He didn't do it that often this time, but the one time he did it while we were there, it didn't bother me one bit. Haha. Fun guy. Christmas was a little hectic since we hadn't bought gifts for people already, so I went out with some of Ryan's siblings and did some serious shopping. Some people were easy to buy for, others...not so much. But we managed. Thanks to the generosity of the kids, Ryan and I got some nice silverware from Jessica and Marissa and a Ninja blender from the other siblings (Sean, Alicia, Amanda, and Jared). I asked for some Google Play credit, so I got quite a bit from Santa and Derek and Emily. Ryan got a nice SSD (solid state drive) for his desktop from Mom and Dad Muse. Ryan got me nice jewelry for Christmas. I got him a game he wanted to play. Starcraft II: HOTS.

We unfortunately had an expense to make on our car that we had to take care of. But things like that happen once in a while, right?

I think I summed up the last month nicely. I hope that I can post more regularly about what is going on in our lives. But I guess since I do write when I feel like I need to report how things are going, spaced out posts seem to work well anyway.

Love to all!

~Melissa

Again With the Taking Too Long to Post Anything New...

To the Muse fans out there (no I don't mean the band, tehee):

Missa here! So people may be wondering what Ryan and I have been up to recently. Well, since last I posted, LOTS of things have occurred.

First, I want to mention that Ryan and I are now both still in school, yes. However, I will be graduating come December, awesome, right?!  Ryan has a couple more semesters to go before he too will say goodbye to BYU -- Idaho.

This past winter, we moved out of our old basement apartment and lived at Ryan's family's house for the duration of Winter semester. While there, Ryan completed his internship at a programming job in Lehi, UT. We got to visit regularly with our good friends Kelly and Jennette (and their cute daughter Kadree and their fun dog Link the husky). It was nice to get to know the Salt Lake area better, not including the bad drivers that seem to pop up often around there...

Ryan wasn't the only one employed; I also found a job at Dillard's and got to meet and work with some pretty good people. I worked in the Home department so I got to make up bed displays and sell some fragile merchandise in the dishware section. Bubble wrap was a must have. A bonus was that I got a work-out from lugging comforters around.

It was nice staying in the Muse home for our time there. Ryan and I stayed in Jared's room (Ryan's youngest sibling) while he bunked in the same room with Mandy (one of Ryan's sisters). Dad and Mom Muse were happy to have us there and I hope that we weren't too much of a burden.

Once April rolled around, we had to depart back to Rexburg to continue our schooling for another semester. We moved into an apartment complex off of Main Street. We managed to get a spot here and it was a struggle to do apartment shopping long distance. The place is well enough, except for it having a reduced amount of storage than our last apartment, which is still an adjustment to this day. Additionally, it was another challenging semester for the both of us; I managed to pass my classes (not with flying colors, however) and Ryan got by as well.

I turned 27 in June and had a wonderful birthday party with friends, old and new.  One friend spent a long time making and decorating my cake which represented the Clow Card symbol found on the back of cards from the anime, Cardcaptor Sakura. She did a wonderful job. For a present, Ryan and I picked out a leopard spotted gecko from PetSmart. We've named him Reggie Rex. Ryan thought it was fun to name him that since the name resembles a phrase used in coding. He's been a good little gecko.

The semester ended and we've currently been enjoying a break before school starts again in a couple of weeks.

At the end of finals week, my family was able to come up to Rexburg to pick up my sister Aubrie and take her home to St. Louis. Mom and Dad helped me a lot to clean up my apartment and to get my car in better working order. We went down with them to Utah so that they could visit my brother Kurt who's going to school to BYU in Provo. It was his birthday that week, and we got to celebrate his birthday with him. It was probably the first time in years I got to celebrate with him on his birthday.

Later, we went on a fun outing with our friends, Jennette and Kelly to Yellowstone last month during our break and got to do some camping with them. We had tents and over the fire cooking along with playing a bit of Munchkin (a fun card game). We got to see sights like the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone and the geyser trail up by Old Faithful. We also almost had a run in with a bison in their van we drove in. Fun times and lots of pictures.

That's a pretty good wrap up of what has been going on with Ryan and I for the past few months.  I will try to keep a better update on us.

Until next time, everyone take care!